05.2026
A Taste of Japan (culturally speaking)
Tatemae 建前 (n.)
What a person pretends to believe; the behavior and opinions one must display to satisfy society’s demands
This month we want to share a common challenge: “Why is it so hard to get close to people in Japan?” This is a real struggle not just with foreigners but amongst the Japanese as well. Relationships are often superficial or out of obligation. Authentic, open relationships can take months even years to achieve. Let me share an excerpt from a friend on this matter:
“In Japan, there is a concept called Tatemae, which refers to the “public face” people present in order to maintain harmony. It’s not about being fake, but about being considerate. People choose their words carefully, avoid conflict, and protect each other’s feelings. On the surface, this creates a very peaceful and comfortable environment. But for someone coming from a more direct culture, it can feel confusing.
You might have a pleasant conversation and think you’re getting closer, but later realize that the interaction stayed within a safe boundry.
Even Japanese colleagues who work together every day often don’t know that much about each other either. They share space, tasks, and responsibilities, but not always their personal thoughts or deeper feelings. That distance is not just between foreigners and locals… it exists within Japanese society too.
Breaking through this distance doesn’t happen by forcing honesty or pushing for deeper conversations. In fact, that can sometimes create the opposite effect. What matters more is consistency. Showing up, being present, and allowing the relationship to grow naturally over time.
In Japan, trust is built through repeated interactions. Small moments. Shared time. Gradual familiarity. It may take longer, but when someone does open up, it feels sincere and grounded.”
As missionaries who feel called to love and serve the people of Japan desiring to connect and grow authentic relationships with Japanese must come to an understanding and accept that it will take time coupled with consistency and persistency.
Community Member Highlight
Meet Kanami
Let us introduce to you Kanami Ueno. If I were to describe Kanami, she is reserved, considerate, loyal and sincere. I first met Kanami in spring/summer of 2019 when I was sitting in her dental chair getting my teeth cleaned. The desire to learn English was expressed and our teacher/student relationship began. As time went on during our weekly 1 hour English lessons, conversations around faith and God came to light. She started coming to our weekly gatherings at our home hearing God’s word, engaging in fellowship around meals, and participating in reachout activities when schedule allowed. In May 2021 she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior and was baptized in a river nearby.
In Summer of 2022, Kanami along with 8 others participated in our first Homestay USA where 9 families from our home church, Crossroads, opened up their homes and their families to welcome our community from Kagoshima, Japan. This 2 week experience put a fire in Kanami to want to spend more time learning English. In 2023, Kanami went on a 4 month hiatus as a dental hygientist to return to Kentucky to attend NKU English program for Foreign Students. A lot has happened these past few years to where she is now engaged to be married where she will give her up her dental career here in Japan, leave her family and join her fiancee, Ryan, in America to get married!
We just had lunch together last week talking and sharing before our visit to the U.S. and her move to U.S. August 21st! Unfortunately we will miss seeing each other in the U.S. by one week!
Our final lunch together for awhile.
Never had I imagined leaving my home church to serve a people group halfway around the world where one would marry and become a part of our home church in the U.S.. Too witness this has been incredible and I am excited for the life that her and her soon-to-be husband will share moving forward.
Missional Summary
As we enter a new season with ministry growth opportunities and family structural changes causes us to pause and reflect what God has done, the relationships He has put in our lives, some short-lived for a season and others life-long relationships. Even though we are not leaving Kagoshima as a family, the rhythms in which we have operated will significantly change so it feels like the closing of a chapter and the opening of a new one. We will be putting some photos and videos together to highlight the last 7 years of missionary life in Japan. Stay tuned.
Reflection
On Evangelism and Discipleship:
Our church planting efforts started with us, a missionary family that has now grown into a missional community here and in Tokyo. We continue to encourage those who have come into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ here in Kagoshima and are poised to carry on the work God started in us, loving and serving our neighbor making Jesus known. We felt led to name our community - Oikos Missional Community and we see this community multiplying through various towns and cities in Japan. A household gathering together breaking bread and doing life together, serving one another, encouraging and celebrating each other and supporting each other in times of need.
Discipling our Children:
Often times we loose sight of our most important work and that is our kids. Through our time in Japan, we have come across many missionaries that started out as MKs (missionary kids) and then became missionaries themselves. Chloe and Ethan have made many sacrifices and have played a huge role in our mission as we have connected with many families through their friends at school here in Kagoshima. We have also watch them love and serve their friends. Check out this video of Ethan going the distance for a friend that struggles with going to school.
And Chloe has engaged her friends into what has formed into a monthly Youth Night! So we have been operating like a YoungLife group. We currently are in fellowship with the newly established YoungLife Japan Director in Tokyo.
In this next season of mission work, we want to expose Chloe and Ethan to a Christian worldview education coupled with making friends that are English-speakers. This is a big reason we are making the move to Tokyo. Our journey begins next month flying to Tokyo on June 20th! We are moving in total faith that God will provide what we need to live in Tokyo, and for Chloe to attend a Christian Academy in Japan.
As I type this, we just got word from the school of the amount of tuition assistance being applied to her account. Praise God!
Building up and Encouraging the Local Church:
Over the past couple of years we have made great strides in connecting with other pastors and church leaders growing in fellowship and working together as One Body. We know this to be the desire of God’ heart and the way more people throughout our city will experience Jesus Christ and come to know Him. We enjoyed some special time with Pastor Matsumoto and his wife, Noriko who have been pastoring for 35 years and Kanami attends their church as it is 10 minutes from her home.
Outreach:
We have poured out in various ways to gain a foothold in our local community and leading our missional community in being the church (not going to church). Look for a highlight video in the near future.
Looking Ahead
As we balance discipling our children and those a part of our missional communities, we will be working on personal growth. Meg and I both have shared how working together for as long as we have been married, we have become dependent on each other in areas we are weak. This has worked well and I would not change a thing but we also know where opportunities are missed. The biggest example is my Japanese ability. Without having Meg physically by my side these next two years, it will force me to take new ground in learning Japanese.
We also are experiencing new relationships forming in the planning phases of transitioning to Tokyo. We are ready to be a used by God in whatever way he chooses and we are excited to witness the growth in and around us in the process!
As our Kagoshima Mission House has served us the last eight years and will continue to do so, we see the Tokyo Mission House being in close proximity to the station close to Chloe’s school allowing us to host our weekly gatherings as well as welcome guests from Japan and overseas for short stays.
Family Update
We finally got to enjoy some family time away from the Mission House by spending the day at the beach one weekend and going camping on a weekend Ethan had a weekend soccer tournament at a distance. It happen to be close to a camping spot we frequent.
Ethan and I were headed to a soccer game when our van decided I’m done! The engine bit the dust and Ethan and I were stranded for a bit until the tow truck came and Meg could get to her mom’s house to borrow a vehicle to get us the rest of the way to soccer. Our 22 year old van gave us a good 8 years (road trips, camping, hauling lots of people, airport runs, helping people move, carrying soccer equipment, music equipment and on and on).
We survived 3 weeks without a vehicle thanks to our church community and our neighbor. We finally found a vehicle that was affordable and would be suitable for Ethan and I as it will be the two of us starting in September.
On April 21st, we celebrated 55. It is hard for me to imagine that I am closer to 60 now than I am 50. So grateful for the health God has given me and pray that he will continue to bless me physically, mentally and emotionally. I can sum up these later years with one word - FAMILY! It’s all good!
As Chloe friends moved on to Jr High School in April, Chloe has been at home preparing for her transition from Japanese education to English education starting this fall working on English daily.
Ethan also had a big change. He joined a new soccer club and has been starting at Keeper position for the B Team. He has grown a lot and is working hard at improving his skills.
Prayer Requests
Travel blessings as we fly to Tokyo, spend 10 days for moving preparation. Then fly to the U.S. for a 45 day visit. My quick turn flight back to Kagoshima in the middle of our trip to retrieve 4 boys for their homestay visit in the U.S. and our return back to Japan August 12
Provision for our move, securing and furnishing our Tokyo Mission House (we are 60% of goal needing $4,000).
Support raising efforts for monthly living expenses needing to raise $3,500 by July 31st.
For the processing of our NPO application paperwork in Japan.
For Meg and Chloe as they transition to city life.
Chloe starting at Christian Academy in Japan where her education will be all English and making new friends.
For Megumi serving in a new hospitality ministry role with a mission organization serving other missionaries as well as managing the Tokyo Mission House for our Tokyo Missional Community.
For Jack and Ethan (and Champ) as they navigate day-to-day life in Kagoshima without mommy and sis.
For Jack upkeep of the Kagoshima Mission House/Land and continuing ministry functions, learning Japanese and learning to cook!
Tokyo Move and Living Expenses
We are 60% funded of the $10,000 needed for our move to Tokyo which includes securing our Mission House and furnishing it. We will arrive in Tokyo on June 20th and then fly to the U.S. on July 2nd for Home Visit. This 12 day window is when we hope to go to contract.
35 people committing $100 a month will sustain our everyday living in Tokyo
We ask you to prayerfully consider a one time donation to assist in securing our Tokyo Mission House OR sustain everyday life through a monthly commitment by clicking the button below.